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Man i literally thought you might have died!

Welcome back!

I was close, several times. Took all the mental will that I had not to do it, for years.

Leg day 4:

Low bar squat:

20x5x2
60x5
80x3
100x2
110x2 (old age PR)
100x3
100x3
90x3

High bar ATG full squat:

60x5
60x5

RDL:

20x5
60x5
80x5
100x5
120x3
75x5
75x5

Leg curls (single leg):

40x10
40x10

Leg extensions (5 second eccentric phase): 32x10x2
Leg extensions hold: 40x10s

One leg calf raises: 15kgx10x3

Bodyweight: 93.4 kg
Exhaustion level: 8.5/10

Comments:

Felt weak in the squat, maybe due to playing basketball yesterday. However, after doing my low bar squat I was like "let me try some high bar squats and try to get really deep on them". Surprisingly, I went full, ATG and they felt amazing. You could really feel the movement was given by the legs (they felt like what you see when you watch olympic lifters do squats). So I think I will try to do some ATG high bar squats from now on, provided my knees agree with them.

My thinking is that I can use a lighter weight and a better range of motion in a "leg-dominant" fashion. Win-win. It really feels like if I were stronger in them I would really be more athletic. The same can't be said when I do low bar squats - there it feels like the weight is heavier just to load up my back uselessly.

Also, never deadlifted over 100 kg in the last 8 years. The three reps in the RDL were pretty difficult, mini lightning bolts were going through my arms for holding the barbell.

Upperbody day 4:

Paused Bench Press:

20x5x2
50x10
50x10
50x8

Pullups: 5, 4
Chinups: 5, 4

Landmine push press: 20x8, 20x8 (each arm) - good, will increase weight next workout
Wide grip pulls to chest + wide grip pulls to back of head: 72x8+72x6, 64x8+64x5 (difficult, for some reason)
Ab machine: 6pins x 10 reps x 2 - good, will increase weight the next workout

Bodyweight: 93.6 kg
Exhaustion level: 8/10

Comments:

in the bench press, was able to do 2 sets of 10 with 50 kg but at my last rep (also for my 8th rep in the last set) I have to immediately put the bar back because I feel like if I stay just one second more with it it will fall on me. So I will not increase the weight but instead want to improve the form and endurance with it, to have it be easier to do.

My sister died on 30th October 2023. I have to take a break from everything, although I might go back to the gym just to take my mind off it. She had a food addiction, she basically lived to eat, so she got heavier and fatter week by week until she was 162 kg at 1.65m tall. Her oxygen levels went as low as 60 or even in the 50s and she refused to go to the hospital (she went there a few times, the ambulance also gave her oxygen a few times).

We found her dead after Sunday's night, she died in her sleep. She was 48 years old. I sometimes think I might be going crazy, soon, although I'm trying to keep it together.

Quote from: Raptor on November 02, 2023, 04:18:05 pm

My sister died on 30th February 2023. I have to take a break from everything, although I might go back to the gym just to take my mind off it. She had a food addiction, she basically lived to eat, so she got heavier and fatter week by week until she was 162 kg at 1.65m tall. Her oxygen levels went as low as 60 or even in the 50s and she refused to go to the hospital (she went there a few times, the ambulance also gave her oxygen a few times).

We found her dead after Sunday's night, she died in her sleep. She was 48 years old. I sometimes think I might be going crazy, soon, although I'm trying to keep it together.

Oh man, Raptor, I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you. It's horrible to lose a sibling, even when you can see it coming. I lost my brother in January 2018, after watching him struggle for years with addiction (drugs, in his case) and mental illness. IME, the grief never goes away but time does help it recede.

I'm sorry to hear that. Yes, it's bad. You always wonder if you could have done something more to save him/her, but the truth is that nobody appointed you to be a superhero that always comes to save the day. The truth is that she did all these excesses "freely" (whether you can call that action "free" considering it's a mental illness is another discussion). She willingly and knowingly poured oil, salt (sometimes for 10 seconds straight she would put salt in her food) and refused to do any kind of physical activity. She didn't even want to put money to buy an oxygen machine!

She had borderline personality disorder and no psychiatrist cared enough to suggest a psychotherapist or an actual treatment scheme.

She also called about 120 ambulances in the last few years and none of them tried to convince her too much that an oxygen under 70 is bad enough to go to the hospital. They would ask and she would say "no" and they would just go their merry way, like nothing happened.

A pinnacle of incompetence, carelessness, lack of culture, you name it. It seemed the only way to save her was violence, but then you'd bump into other kinds of ethical issues.

Pull focus day 6:

Pullups: 5
Chinups: 5
Neutral grip chinups: 3
Pullups: 3
Chinups: 3

Walked about 5 km.

Sorry about your sister.
I have to ask though, what's the deal with the 30th of February?

None, I don't know why I wrote February. It happened two weeks ago, 30th October. I think I unconsciously wrote February because in the past I used to joke about "what zodiac sign am I if I'm born on 30th February" and people would think really hard what zodiac sign am I while ignoring that 30th February doesn't even exist.

Really, really weird that I wrote that.