i understand the embarrassment but you shouldn't be. drug addiction -- and alcohol is a drug -- is a nasty disease. our bodies compel us to do things like drink water and eat sugar and fat and breathe in and out by rewarding us chemically. when we find something that goes straight to the reward system, and takes us out of ourselves by altering our consciousness, it can be extremely difficult to give it up. and some people are more susceptible to impulsive, compulsive use than others. seems like you're in the former category, it's been clear on here for years that you have an issue with alcohol abuse.
so no, it's not as simple as "just stop drinking." but you do have agency. get yourself to an AA meeting. AA doesn't work for everyone, or maybe even most people, but it's saved some people i know. my dad's best friend is 35 years sober and still goes to AA every week, even on vacation. it completely failed for my brother. ymmv. but try it. see if you can find a therapist in your town who does dialectical behavioral therapy, one on one or in groups. try that. just keep trying to stop. do not quit on yourself.