Adarq.org

i mean definitely it would be nice to be there and i definitely will need some time to take it easy for a bit. but they're 3000 miles away and it'll cost me nearly a grand to get there. so don't want to rush into buying a ticket.

Sorry to hear. One of the big 'jokes' here is that post-covid we will have a divorce pandemic.
Give yourself a few days to relax, for thoughts to settle, for intense emotions to weaken, for blood to cool. Then re-think everything. The more time passes, the more logic takes over.
I understand it is highly awkward doing all that while living together, if you can somehow detach yourself from being in there, travel elsewhere with your mind, maybe it would help.
2c

this is extremely sage advice. thanks vag.

truly, man. i a stable and patient person, it takes a lot to make me genuinely upset or to throw me out of my usual ability to take the long view and think about things clearly. but i'm not a robot, and the woman i thought, until very recently, i would marry is leaving me. i'm disoriented and caught up in minute-to-minute emotions. not that there is anything wrong with feeling feelings. but it's hard to remember to breathe and to wait, so reminders can help.

thanks acole, i appreciate it.

studies disrupted in that i was supposed to be in indonesia this month to do some action research about housing rights, and that's obviously been cancelled and replaced by a jerry-rigged substitute activity. but otherwise class was pretty much over before the lockdown started, i only had to do a little over a week of classes remotely. all that's left are a couple of short assignments due in early june and then my dissertation due in september, which is obviously a solo effort. would have been nice to be able to get around for changes of scenery while i work on it but functionally it doesn't matter much to be doing it from home.

tbh the main thing this changes for me work-wise is that i'll be looking for jobs in DC rather than london, and won't have to worry about getting my work approval status changed.

- run 10.02 km in 48:42
a little chilly, nice for running.

- stretch

ranges from ~140-155 average.

Damn, just catching up with some journals and saw what happened. Don't have much to offer on top of what the other guys have said (vag is spot on!) if you haven't already - give meditation a go (headspace usually recco as a good place to start) to help get to that place where you're mind is quiet from all the spiralling emotions, helped me massively.

Thoughts are with you and hope the situation improves ASAP whichever way you decide to move forward.

- run 15.03 km in 1:14:36
easy pace, checked in periodically to make sure i could do five steps per in and out breath. averaged 4:58. it was crowded as hell on the canal tow paths today.

- stretch