today in unexpected consequences of grief: my appetite has gone down. i've made myself the same breakfast 5-7 days a week* for probably 4 years: a smoothie made from frozen strawberries and blueberries, two scoops of WPC, a spoonful of peanut butter (used to use yogurt but i like PB better), water, and a banana. it's a great breakfast. this morning, for the first time that i can remember, i couldn't finish it. i tried, it tasted good, but i was just plain full and i poured about 1/3 of it down the drain.
MattA, i admit to having had the thought, "well, i guess i can finally find out what online dating and tinder and stuff is like." but honestly (1) my libido is nonexistent right now, i'm not sure i could get it up even if i found myself in an insane porno scenario where a hot woman was basically forcing herself on me,** and (2) it's way too soon, the very thought makes me feel sick. i'm still stuck on the fact that i won't see her or do the things i was hoping to do with her this weekend. in time, i guess.
*except when i'm on the road, obviously
**it's funny because while we were together i would fantasize about other women all the time -- an old colleague who is literally my physical archetype for hotness, that one hot bartender at that bar, whoever -- and all of that is gone right now. i literally can barely think about sex.
