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I agree on the joints thing. Its why winstrol is a big NO after researching. Mentally...the evidence suggests i should be happier on cycle lol at least for this stack. I mean...I'll probably wait at least a few months because i dont have enough info. And i like info.

Ok so short story. Baby momma has decided I cant see my princess until our court date...which hasnt been set. Its killing me.

THEN the soon to be ex wife and I had the SAME damn fight weve always had...literally the ONE thing we dont agree on (how she responds to other guys especially on socail media) so I left. Couldn't take it. 2 days later shes sleeping with a dude who lifts at my gym (wtf bro code?!?!) AND doing everything she can to make my life hell. I dont get it...Ive ALWAYS told her i just want her happy. So if she wants to leave...ok. Just be honest and Ill walk away. But the lies are coming out now and I still love her but I cant be with her (not that she would have any interest coming back) because its toxic but im struggling to move forward given the circumstances. That said literally everyone I know has turned their back on said gym guy so meh. He leaves for his job (permanent) in 6 days so it was literally a 2 week fling to try and hurt me. Im not letting it show Im hurt...but i am obviously. I value loyalty and honesty above all...and i feel like I was used.

Pretty much.

even short courses can have negative health effects, not least on your mood. and if you're already in a bad place, is it really worth the risk of exacerbating that? risking a deeper trough than you're in right now?

don't take them now. if you're going to take them, wait until you're feeling good and stable.

I havent had a protein shake in maybe 2 years lol but i get it. I can easily do a 'clean' bulk to 188-190lbs and stay around 10% BF but... I doubt my power to weight will go up. Thats the real reason Ive been thinking of a stack. Var and similar compounds wont stack on weight (they will but not like most 'want') but they'll take strength to a new stratosphere. I dont want the whole up down BS butnid be happy if i could maintain 75% of my gains at the same BW i came off of. Ideally id come off the cycle at around 188lbs. I can maintain that naturally so idk. Good advice on the mental state tho guys.

Did back and biceps tonight. Weighed in at 176.2lbs. Meh.

Ummmm....

Deadlifted Thursday: top single of 475. 6x3 at 425. 1x5 at 425. No assistance work. Mentally was just stressed af last week. Neeves were wrecked. Skipped Friday. Sat was light speed work. Sunday felt better after some stuff... hooped for 2 hours, did ok. Then back/biceps.

Last night was squats:

BW: 176.5lbs
Left shoulder is meh...not sure why, wasnt from lifting. Maybe slept wrong. Energy was ok.

Warmups+stretch+jumps

Squat:
bar x12, 135 x10, 225 x6 315 x3, 365 x1, 405 x1. Got vid. Will upload later 😊.

345 for 6x3. 7th set i did 4. Wanted 5 but...didnt want to push too much.

Assistance circuits x2 each:
-step ups (135lbs x10), leg press calf raise (6 plates per side? lol x25), box jumps, core/abs.
-leg extensions (x12 SL @ 70lbs, DL x8 at 160lbs), front squat (185 for 10, 205 x8, 225 x1, 275 x1, 315 x fail, 225 x6), box jumps, core stuff.

solid session. kinda mad at the 315 fs. I got about quarter depth and felt my right knee start to cave a tad and said nope...and came up. Maybe if I moved FS to the beginning i could hit it. I know i have 295ish in me for sure judging by the 275 rep.

Got to hoop last night for the first time in a min at a small local college. Was a little rusty but still did pretty much what i wanted even playing at 60-70% (effort...and my low back was tiiiight from deadlifts). Couple guys were trying to dunk around after (2 actually were, both 6'2ish) so i tried a few. They said the floor isnt bouncy buy it felt fine to me. Easy two hander of a walkup. Crushed a few off glass. Back ironed a mill off the dribble, that one surprised me. Excited to see where Im at hyped up and 100%. Had to stretch hams and spinal erectors afterwards...ugh.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZBJ5PnDGA4" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZBJ5PnDGA4</a>

Sorry its shit resolution. Buddy videod and texting it to me kills the quality every damn time.  And the "that fucking sucked" you hear is because I didnt feel like i hit depth very well. Looking at it...im still not as deep as normal but definitely below parallel. Meh.

Lol hey hey...Those are Nike Frees lol!

Side note... idk what the hell i did but i woke up this am and my right knee is FUCKING WRECKED. Hoping i slept weird or something. Just tried to warmup at the gym. No go. Feel EXACTLY like when I had the VMO/patella tendon issue. Ugh. Im so pissed right now. Going to take it easy and skip deadlifts tomorrow. Hopefully its something stupid and not bad. Fuck Fuck FUCK.