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Alright...Im not dead. Feel like it kind of but not. Been so stressed I couldnt eat. Lost 8lbs. Weigh 176 right now. Hand seems to be ok. Swelling went down. Went and deadlifted...got 435 but about blacked out. No food....no good.  Skipped all assistance work. Drank a lot the last few days. Basically driving myself insane trying to figure out what went wrong. Her brother drove up from West Palm Beach and is staying with me...keeping me sane and helping me. Dude is fam for real. He went out and found her...they talked, rather he yelled at her for being stupid. I know that somehow this is partially my fault but hes right...shes not the same person she was a few weeks ago. Shes changed almost 180 degrees. I just want to know whats wrong so i can fix it. Anyway, she called me last night. Wants to talk later this week and see if we can fix stuff. I told her id do anything to get the woman i married back and I mean it so...we'll see. Sorry for the rant guys. Thanks for the thoughts and support btw.

Now...something weird. Yesterday...I lifted back and biceps...actually made it through the workout and did a 2x3 power clean at only 135lbs and a couple box jumps at the end. Went to shoot and idk wtf is going on. I cant shoot lol but good god...I could 2 hand tomahawk off 2 steps?!?!? I havent done that since the spring time pre injury?!?! And im nowhere near where I was vert wise? Lesson: low BW + potentiation= results. Hell I damn near windmilled a shit lob that i caught AT the rim.Should have just dunked it but idk...I tried it and got hung just barely. If that lob is a foot lower....i kill it. Weird

We shall see. He went off on her today (she didnt know we were lifting together) and an hour later I saw the first glimpse of my WIFE in weeks. She text me and was...civil, contrite and almost sad. Hopefully we can fix all this. But they'll have to be some compromises and changes.

That said, wasnt planning on lifting....did anyway. Messed around with some squats up to 365 single, probably 10-12 total reps including warmups. 3x5 set of hang cleans at 135lbs. Couple crunches and such and did flat bench with barbell for the first time in a long time (been doing db bench)....245lbs x1, prety easy. Sweet. Aannnnd some jumpers.

Deadlifted today at 179.5lbs in the gym scale.

135lbs x5, 225 x3, 315 x1, 365 x1 beltless and strapless.
Belted and strapped... 405 x1, 445 x1!!! 405 x3, 315 x8, 315 x8.

The 445 matches my pre injury pr and Im pretty sure I was 184ish BW then. Hell. Yes. I really feel i had 455, This 445 was not easy but Innever thought I wasnt going to get it.

Ham curls, calf raises and glute kickbacks along with some core work to end the session. Quite pleased!

177.8lbs today. If I get some movement efficiency on my RVJ i should be flying lol! Funny...im as strong or stronger than i was pre injury at 184-185. More ripped as well. BF% could easily be around 7-8%!

Did chest/tris today. Very little core and some power cleans/hang cleans.

HC 135lbs 3x3 SS w/box jumps.
PC 135lbs 3x3 and 185 for 3 singles. 185 felt slow. Probably try repping 155 or so next time as 135 is a cinch.

Hey man hang in there!

Squatted last night.... 179lbs BW.

135 x5, 225 x3, 315 x1, 365 x1.
315 x4, 315 x3, 315 x3.
275 x8, 275 x8, 275 x8.

Was doing a normal accessory work circuit and got a text that enraged me so....started all over.

225lb squats to failure: x18, x14, x15.

500lb calf raises to failure: x35, x27, x21.

Attempt box jumps in succession. Winning until cramps. Stretch. More box jumps with lunges and leg extensions supersetted.

Core. Lots of fucking core. Rage. Couple of the guys noticed apparently and the gym got very...brotastic. Much encouragement. Lots ofnscreaming. Kinda awesome to see the guys realize im hurting and push me forward into something less destructive than drinking the bar into submission. Anyway....havent slept yet and its now 10am local time. This blows ass.

Gotta keep fighting for what you want guys, in the gym and in life  just do it smart and with everything you have.

 

Thanks guys. Always a ton of support in here! Makes pushing forward a little easier knowing you arent the only one struggling sometimes. And, yes, Ive definitely used parts of this whole situation to spur myself forward. Wont mention what but it got pretty nasty for a little bit and we were both sure it was over but cooler heads and hearts seem to be prevailing. My body composition is back to where it needs to be, almost, though and that will only help when i start jumping regularly again (in say 10 hours lol)