I had a good diet day today, until 30 minutes ago. Ate 2 meals - both clean, breakfast and dinner - hit my macros, got the right amount of calories, protein, fats and carbs, fruit and veg. Had a satisfying dinner of thai green curry chicken, rice, 500mL protein shake with 1.5 scoop whey and fruit (strawberries and a banana).
After that I ventured upon desert. I only intended to eat 1 serving but I wasn't satisfied, so 6 or 7 bowls of icecream later
As I am eating while writing this post, my brain hasn't got the message from my stomach that it's full. It just never came. If i wasn't dieting, i would have had maybe 2 bowls at the most - and i'd have been full and i'd have gotten the signal to stop eating. But because i've been dieting, i don't get that signal, I keep eating and eating. And eating.
Meanwhile I've just finished the entire 1L container of icecream and now finally I am satisfied. It seems the signal to stop eating doesn't come from my stomach but instead it comes from my brain, when it realises there is no more left to eat. Btw the cravings are quite specific, just exactly the stuff i'm not supposed to eat on a diet.
It's funny because in the morning I was thinking, i am only 2kg away from being the leanest i've been since high school - over a decade ago. And a kilo or two from there from seeing my abs. I could be athletic, fit, and I could end my cut. Even knowing all this, I still went ahead and ate all that icecream. Unlike other guys here who are 10s of kilos away from their goal, im so close but I can't go any closer, I just keep tripping up.
But all of this would be pointless if it wasn't for the realisation that I can't do moderation while i'm dieting. If I was eating at maintenance, I could have a bowl of icecream and it would be okay. I would enjoy it and I wouldn't get carried away by a bottomless hungry stomach.
So for the next week or so i'm going to try something new - just accept that while im cutting my body wont help me stick to my goals, it wont send satiety signals, it will work hard against achieving my goals, hunger will confound my best efforts and I somehow have to look past it and just stick to the plan. Once i've stopped cutting i'll allow myself a normal unrestricted diet. If I can manage that for just one week, i'll finally get under 83kg - and that's a guaranteed under 15% bodyfat. That's all I have to do, stick to the plan for just one week.
edit, went for a long walk and shot some hoops.