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Passing on my condolences for your loss. Looks like you were doing a lot for your mom during this time and I'm sure she would have appreciated it immensely.

my condolences too to you and your family Andrew. i feel you, my mom had to deal with breast cancer this year, luckily she found it early so she got away with operation / chemo / rays.
As we say here, may you all live long to remember her.

just wanted to add something to what everyone else is saying: it's incredible what a community you've created on here, andrew. like, when i step back and think about the fact that i have friends that i've never met face-to-face but that i've known for years just through this forum -- in some cases longer than i've known close "real" life friends! -- it boggles my mind a little bit. not just training buddies, either, but people who go through shit on here: chris with his wife and kids, me going through a break up and moving thousands of miles, taylorhorton trying to decide whether to go to college or not, eric and his job shit, avishek going from batshit crazy to only a little bit crazy. that connection is the biggest reason i still keep my journal on here, long after it stopped being a forum with a lot of active coaching. and i can't help but believe that your mom, who helped raise you to be the man you are, gets a lot of credit for this community's existence. we all owe her some thanks.

i never met her, but i'm your friend, and so i'm grieving with you this week, from the other side of the world.

Mate so sorry for your loss. Sounds like a wonderful person and someone to be celebrated.

Sorry for the late responses everyone.. I've wanted to reply for several days but, just haven't had the focus/energy. Trying to get back to "normal " now.

Every day that's gone by since she passed, i've gotten more "annoyed". Annoyed that "we (she) lost the battle" after so many years of treatments. Annoyed how everything seemed to come together at the very end (a perfect storm); had certain things not happened (like her falling in the hospital & becoming immobile from it), things might have turned out different (temporarily at least).. She was tired of fighting though, so in one way, the fall helped because it was the final straw. Regardless, it doesn't make it any less annoying. I know it's unhealthy to dwell on things, so i'm definitely trying not to do that.. but stuff (including tons of memories etc) just pops in your head throughout the day.

Also, she was always apart of my future plans. I wanted to take her out to California with me when she healed up.

Stop dwelling, stop dwelling.

I guess i'm a delayed griever. One of my worst nightmares throughout my life, was simply the idea of losing my mom. It's almost like the "fear of that inevitability", resulted in me being less prepared, and wishing I had done more when she was alive.

I'm historically someone who gets things stuck in their head.. i've got a whole new set of things stuck in my head now.

Sometimes I get these "cliche" thoughts; hoping everything is just a bad dream, that it didn't really happen, and that when I wakeup i'll see her again.

I think I said it before, but, here's my life lesson through all of this: If you have someone in your life who you truly love, it seems like it's a better idea to head toward that idea/fear of them dying, instead of running away from it. Basically, asking yourself as perhaps a weekly reminder: If this person I love were to die tomorrow, unexpectedly, would I be comfortable knowing i'm giving them 100% (no regrets etc).

So, by not taking that approach, I took some days & moments for granted when I shouldn't have.. and then after death, the brain begins to unearth all of those moments, or things I could have done better (for her). Whatever stage that is of the grieving process, I imagine i'll have it for a long time.. That's just how my brain seems to work.

(https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/)

Being death phobic is a problem.

Sorry for your loss. It easy to see in just a few photos how beautiful and full of life she was.

Thanks so very much Loop.

It is comforting to remember how her light shines through you as well as all the friends/ family she touched in her life.

Yup, definitely.

Quote

When I mentioned April being an especially bad month, it was because things were finally coming to an end with my mom. Her battle with CLL (Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia), which began in 2009, finally came to an end in 2017. I made a post about her on FB, so i'll keep this very short & take a different angle.

The Instagram Angle:

One reason I joined IG to begin with, was to post various photos of nature, the sky, our (my mom & I) dogs, food, and just a few running related pictures. Most of these pictures were for her. She could barely leave the house, could no longer see sunsets or go for walks with me & the dogs, could no longer go in the back yard and throw dog toys, could no longer eat as healthy as she wanted (salads, fruit -> risks & taste buds dying), and just couldn't be herself & enjoy life like she wanted too. So I often showed her photos that I took specifically for her & posted to my IG. I mean, my IG is a bit different than the rest of my online presence, in that it's just so much happier, bright, and hopeful, because I wanted her to still experience some of those things. For example, she absolutely loved it when I came back home from a dog walk, and showed her tons of photos of the sunset/sky. Many of those photos, I actually showed her when she was in the hospital; she was a regular.

So, that has nothing to do with IG but, it was just one of the mediums I used to post photos, many of which were intended for her. She actually liked this medium alot because there's just lots of beautiful photos, she just wanted to see positivity.

She also knew about many of my friends on this forum & elsewhere, you'd be surprised how much she knew & how much I shared with her.

Anyway, here's just a small collage of photos of her:

This post just goes to show what a great person you are. This forum helped me a lot when I was battling depression and didn't find the energy to train myself. Seeing all the work you guys put in and the passion we all share for athletic endeavors in one way or another definitely played a huge role in my recovery. Again, my deepest condolence. It seems like your mother couldn't have wished for a better son to help her through that dark time. 

Thanks so much Leonel. I really appreciate it.

And yea, I remember many of those bad times for you. You pushed through for several years, i'm glad we were able to help you through those times. I haven't checked your journal lately (or anyone's really), so I hope you're still making tons of progress & lighting up your journal with flashing PR signs. Will check soon.

Thanks again man.

I'm really sorry about your mom. From your description and those pictures she seemed like a people person and very expressive and caring. Really similar to my mom. Hold together, we're all here for you.

Sounds like you've got a great mom too. Give her a huge hug man.

Thanks so much for those words man.

Thanks for the response too, very informative. Definitely will try something like that to try to peak for a future tourney.

Cool! I recently brought back in PMGHR's, going to try and give them another try. SL squat variations are cool but, just doesn't feel like the kind of stimulus that dips/pullups provide.. So, going to slowly work those back in to try and target the hams harder in addition to the SL squat variations. I threw out my 45 deg hyper (it was crooked), maybe i'll get another one of those in the future.

Very sorry to hear of your moms passing brother. I hope you keep her spirit and all the things you had her experience alive still.

Thanks so much man. Also, I will try!

She'd periodically ask me how the forum re-write I was doing, was coming along... bleh Well, I told her the troubles I ran into. I actually showed her more of that stuff than I showed you guys; i'd show her the functionality as I was working on it (after completing some major feature), on my laptop lmao. :/

Passing on my condolences for your loss. Looks like you were doing a lot for your mom during this time and I'm sure she would have appreciated it immensely.

Thanks so much acole. Yeah, she definitely appreciated it immensely. She would always let me & my father know how thankful she was that I was helping her.

condolences to you and your family.

Thanks so much man.

i lost my mom to breast cancer back when i was still in my teens.  my mom also put up one hell of a fight. she died on mothers days. anniversary is coming up again.

Damn :/ so sorry to hear that Kingfish. I don't recall you ever sharing that, if so, very sorry if I forgot.

:/

I'm sure she would be very proud of you and your sister.

Looking back, I imagine some of those races & events your sister run, mean even more.. Since many of those events benefit cancer charities and such.

I think your sister loves curls more than you love squats........ lmao.

be strong darqui.

Thanks man, trying, kinda. :/

my condolences too to you and your family Andrew. i feel you, my mom had to deal with breast cancer this year, luckily she found it early so she got away with operation / chemo / rays.

Thanks so much vag, and damn man: I hope your mom has beat cancer for good. So happy that she found it early; routine exam?

As we say here, may you all live long to remember her.

Love that.

Literal note: If my health genetics take her side of the family, i'm in trouble. If they take after my father's, i'll be very lucky.

My mom's mother died of colon cancer at age 64.. Colon cancer is much more rapid and aggressive than CLL, so that played out very quickly. My mom lived to 65.

Similar story, mum got her all clear from a screen Monday and I was dreading the result. Was worried b/c she's had two run-ins with breast cancer and the last time it was pretty bad (triple negative) two years ago. Chemo & radiology once is bad enough but to go thru it twice, it was crushing. But she's doing well now.

Damn.. Happy to hear she's doing good now. And yeah, such treatments take a toll.. I was always very worried with those treatments, they always seemed to temporarily fix her white blood cell count & such, but would cause other/serious side effects.

I always let my mom know how strong she was, for being able to handle all of the treatments, pills, IV's etc.. I honestly don't think I could have done what she did.

Every moment is precious and Andrew is nothing short of inspiring the way he's taken that to heart and filled his and his mum's life with beautiful moments.

Thanks so much man.

just wanted to add something to what everyone else is saying: it's incredible what a community you've created on here, andrew. like, when i step back and think about the fact that i have friends that i've never met face-to-face but that i've known for years just through this forum -- in some cases longer than i've known close "real" life friends! -- it boggles my mind a little bit. not just training buddies, either, but people who go through shit on here: chris with his wife and kids, me going through a break up and moving thousands of miles, taylorhorton trying to decide whether to go to college or not, eric and his job shit, avishek going from batshit crazy to only a little bit crazy. that connection is the biggest reason i still keep my journal on here, long after it stopped being a forum with a lot of active coaching.

Yeah man, we've experienced all kinds of things with each other over the years. Hopefully more good things in the future for everyone.

Zachary Hancock (previously a vert dude) on FB was just asking if anyone had a near death experienced. I mentioned the time I got shot at.. And he remembered reading it in my journal. I remember a few days later, going to visit my mom - she was in an apartment in Boca. We went to some pub near by (Duffy's), and I remember it like it was yesterday, still hopped up on so much adrenaline, describing the whole incident to her as her jaw was basically dropped.

and i can't help but believe that your mom, who helped raise you to be the man you are, gets a lot of credit for this community's existence. we all owe her some thanks.

Thanks so damn much LBSS for those words.

I think you put it perspective: If asked to describe my mom, many of my mom's friends often call her selfless. When she did things for others, she never expected anything in return. That definitely rubbed off on me. I seem to always take that approach in life, so i'll join in and give her a big thank you as well.

i never met her, but i'm your friend, and so i'm grieving with you this week, from the other side of the world.

Thank you <3

Also thanks so much for that other message you sent me.

Echoing what everyone above has said, I'm so sorry for your loss. Your mom sounds like an amazing woman.

I also wanted to echo what lbss says about the community you've produced here. There's a reason this is the place I wanted to return to and log at after so many years out, and it's all thanks to you, man.

Thank you so much Joe.

Also, glad to see you back. Been fun watching you nerd out all these years. Now you just need to beef those traps up a bit more so you can intimidate everyone even more, on those university challenges.

Mate so sorry for your loss. Sounds like a wonderful person and someone to be celebrated.

Thanks so much Coges.

Sorry for your loss brother! I'm sitting here struggling for words that would do you and your mom justice 
RIP!

Thanks so much Mutumbo. Yeah, responding is a struggle too.. Talking about her in the past tense doesn't feel good :/





A theme from recent posts: too many people have a loved one who has struggled or lost a battle to cancer. :/

Thanks so much to everyone on this forum, not just for your responses to my mother's passing & being there for me, but for always being there for each other.

<3 

Damn reading your last two posts really moved me emotionally. I literterally shed a few tears. It got me thinking about my past struggles, being thankful that I'm still alive and well today (don't want to get into too much depth here but it was a close call) and about family/close friends in general. I don't think that we ever should let go of our past. In the end it's these beautiful memories we have and share with other people that make life worth living. At least I wear my «battlescars» (actual scars) proudly and am never ashamed to tell someone if he asks about them, although they are hardly visible. I hope as well that we can share many more experiences, PR's, struggles etc. on this forum. I can definitely say for myself that it is still very dear to me eventhough I haven't been updating my journal lately. Let's fight on together.

Edit: looking forward to training in a few hours even more now. Gonna smash some PR's for you andrew

Damn reading your last two posts really moved me emotionally. I literterally shed a few tears.

Nice <3. I shed a few tears when writing it..

It got me thinking about my past struggles, being thankful that I'm still alive and well today (don't want to get into too much depth here but it was a close call) and about family/close friends in general.

damn..

I don't think that we ever should let go of our past. In the end it's these beautiful memories we have and share with other people that make life worth living. At least I wear my «battlescars» (actual scars) proudly and am never ashamed to tell someone if he asks about them, although they are hardly visible. I hope as well that we can share many more experiences, PR's, struggles etc. on this forum. I can definitely say for myself that it is still very dear to me eventhough I haven't been updating my journal lately. Let's fight on together.

Agreed.

And ya it's hard to 100% consistently journal, it's definitely related to motivation/drive/focus. When I am extremely driven/focused, I have no problem journaling.. When I am detraining / letting external factors beat me down; journaling / foruming / online interactions really suffer (for me).

Pushing the limits is hard.. Being an athlete is hard. Being a wannabe athlete is hard. That's all I know. 

Edit: looking forward to training in a few hours even more now. Gonna smash some PR's for you andrew

hah thanks m8.

how'd it go?