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half marathon is a whole other level from 15k IME. very doable, especially if you take it easy, just be prepared to be more tired at the end than you expect. go get it.

go see a PT.

- run 58:29, 11.65 km
chilly, in the 30s (~5 celsius). legs a little heavy going out the door but once i settled in this felt great. i like the route i did, too, combining two other ones into a nicer loop.

- stretch

we're supposed to get 2+ inches of snow and ice tomorrow so let's see what conditions are like in the morning. snow could be fun, to a point, but i ain't running on ice.

no need to apologize! i think this is spot on, as well: "I'm sure people who have thrown everything at a single goal and sacrificed other aspects of their life have regrets too." life is full of trade-offs.

- run 1:39:53, 17.01 km
yeah that's the stuff, 5:52 average pace. did this in the dark and used my new headlamp for the first time. on the plus side, it's comfortable, didn't budge or bounce around at all, and lights up the ground enough that i can see where i'm going even in proper darkness. on the minus side, places where it's properly dark have lots of wildlife and frankly it freaks me out to look to the side and see deer like six feet away. they're probably harmless but still i don't trust the fuckers.

- stretch

found out today that i got an A+ on my dissertation. according to the rubric they gave us at the beginning of the year, my score is just shy of proper journal publication quality. so when we get the official results i'm going to ask my adviser what i'd have to do to upgrade it into publishable shape. that put a smile on my face.

also have spent the last couple of days repainting the front hall and staircase in my parents' house. got a bit more to do tomorrow, but god what a great task. requires full focus but very little mental processing power and it's obviously screen-free. good stuff.

- run 53:39, 10.79 km
colder but not windy. my old kinvara 10s are starting to tear, need a new pair of shoes. guess i'm gonna bite the bullet and try the new endorphin speeds. will be interesting to see how i feel with an 8mm drop.

- stretch

- run 52:30, 10.35 km
pretty chilly (low 40s) and breezy but weirdly my hands and wrists didn't get as cold as on the previous few runs.

- stretch

i dunno about that, vag, i feel like self-indulgence or hedonism are separate, for me anyway. for me it really is about ego defense, closer to what coges talked about, although again there i don't feel like it's linked to fear that other people will laugh at me or think less of me or whatever. it's more like i've got an idea in my head of what i could do if i really tried hard and i don't want to find out if it's true or if i'm not as talented as i thought it was. that's why dunking was a perfect test case: the motivation was completely internal, no one else gave a shit whether i got there or not.

in any case that fear has lessened as i've gotten older, it's something i've come to terms with.