this is beyond hilarious:
"MY LATEST LETTER TO THE WARDEN ( Yes, he actually sent this letter)
by Stephen Watt on Monday, November 1, 2010 at 11:51pm
I write this medical complaint as I have now endured an entire half-year of starvation as an inmate at Seatac. I have already sent out a lengthy, detailed, and impassioned plea for assistance to no avail. The recipient of this request, replied with a cursory sentence fragment reading, "No special diet for non-diabetic." I believe the author of this statement, P.A. Leaf, to be unreasonably biased against my best interests. He was the supervising physician at my intake into Seatac, and our relationship began with him vehemently proclaiming that I, a 7 foot man, could not possibly be taller or even as tall as 6 feet 8 inches, because I was just barely able to pass under the door frame and according to P.A. Leaf, all door frames are standardized to a universal height of 6 feet 8 inches. Thus I believe P.A. Leaf viewed with great skepticism and little compassion my extraordinary metabolic requirements as necessitated by my rather anomalous height.
I trust that I will not need to enumerate the many physical discomforts and pains that accompany a state of starvation, but I would like to point out some of the deleterious mental consequences, which might not be as obvious. Among other names, fellow inmates have started calling me "Beanpole" and "Skeletor" and sometimes amuse themselves by calling attention to my now sunken-in chest by thrusting their fingers inside it. For reference, "Skeletor" is the arch-nemesis of the cartoon character He-Man, who lacks both body fat and muscle. They also joke about my atrophying physical state by suggest that I be placed in the "Suicide Watch" program.
When I came to Seatac I started to grow a beard, an admirable pastime of many fine men in history. Despite the presence of this layer of visual indirection, I am still subject to comments about the gauntness of my face. Frankly, I would like to cut my beard but I am very frightened to see what I will find underneath.
Finally, as I deteriorate, I am dismayed to observe obesity (especially the morbid variety) abound on all sides. It is psychologically debilitating to tiptoe around the unit daily, irritable and enfeebled by low blood sugar, while other inmates, several of whom are nearly an entire YARD shorter than myself, are given the same caloric provisions, causing them to slip into extreme corpulence. Often the mere scent of food is enough to send me, a tax-paying 7 foot American citizen, into a delirious salivating frenzy, while many illegal immigrant inmates looks more like woodland animals fattening up for a winter hibernaculum than aliens awaiting deportation to Latin America. In summary, I implore that my diet be augmented so that I might be able to languish in a federal prison in a manner befitting millions of other Americans without having to deal with the additional imposition of starvation. My next recourse to action will be to elevate my grievance through the various BP forms, and seek legal injunction to halt my corporal decay. I thank you in advance and anticipate thoughtful redress to my concerns, and not merely another form reply hastily transcribed from a bureaucratic manual.
Sincerely yours in custody,
Stephen Watt"
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